I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
