He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize