in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
