I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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