I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
