it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
