Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize