# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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