Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
