There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
