We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
