bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
