Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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