I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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