The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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