Having a random hookup so left but love u
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
