hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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