We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
