i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's always time for handjobs
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
