Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize