I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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