Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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