an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize