On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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