I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
