so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
