fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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