I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
