We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
