before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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