Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
