Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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