the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
