I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
