Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm too high and old for this...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
