the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize