Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
