i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
