census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
