Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
