those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Never joke about your clitoris.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
