I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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