You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
