After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
