Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
