Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
