In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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