Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
