Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry AhmadBradshawYes hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.

Fav 19 1448 3348
share tweet
(913): View more from Kansas

I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.

Fav 18 1194 5429
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(305): View more from Florida

It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

Fav 46 2716 8443
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.

Fav 73 4665 6779
share tweet
(910): View more from North Carolina

Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.

Fav 16 1377 6878
share tweet
(415): View more from California

And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!

Fav 9 3174 1023
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?

Fav 9 4843 1294
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(708): View more from Illinois

I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me

Fav 6 1383 869
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(704): View more from North Carolina

I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover

Fav 1 404 328
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT