It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize