I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
