quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
