I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
