i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
