Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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