K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize