I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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