there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
