so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
