wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
wow bdsm is so cute
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
