Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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