At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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