summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
