Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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