Sponge bath it is.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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