Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I pour the whiskey from now on
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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