You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
