I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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