Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
