Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
