I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
