I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
40s are totally the cure
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
