part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
