I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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