We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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