Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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