yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
