Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
