I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
