Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You can't special order awesome
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
