I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
