He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
