I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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