Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
