My sheets look like a crime scene.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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