Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
