I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Terrible idea I love it
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
