he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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