I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
