i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
