so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
