I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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