he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The adults are the big ones right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
