just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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