Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize