the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
