You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
