Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
try to milk me bitch
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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