I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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