I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
