i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
