dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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