I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He? As in you personified your dick?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
