i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
