I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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