wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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