Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
