Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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