So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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