This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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