the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
