Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
