i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
