Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
