Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
