you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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